Bartimaeus

P1310658A new year brings all sorts of expectations and possibilities. It is no different here at Capturing Courage.

With a Team Weekend Away in just a few days, we will be looking at what 2012 was and then directing our gaze forward.

My own heart has been meditating on the question, “What do I want?” It is the same question offered to me by the Lord, “What do you want?”

It is a question beyond all the ought and should that so easily entangles us. It is a question that presumes upon an open arena upon which to play. Like a canvas that has not yet been painted on.

What do you want?

It is the same question that Jesus asked others.

The blind man Bartimeaus was by the side of the road, he was calling out to Jesus and trying to get near to him, and Jesus asks, “What do you want?”

It is both a liberating and offensive question. (He is blind, can you not see what he might want?!)

And yet in this question Jesus puts Bartimeaus in the drivers seat of his own life. Yes Jesus could work a miracle for him, but did he want it?

Jesus in no way ever presumed to know what another wanted. He always asked.

And God is still asking each and every one of us this same question every single day, “What do you want?”

It’s not an easy one to answer. For the query leads us to what and how might we engage what we want. There will be action and risk put to task. There will be a stretching of who we are and we won’t remain the same.

What do we want?

While the course is laid, the manner of movement established, the values and the non-negotiable made plain to see, the actual action we then take comes down to what we want.

It is the place where we must sink into our passion. Where our hearts desires are first acknowledged and then given voice.

As I personally look at 2013 there are twenty-three overseas communities that have invited me to come and visit and minister to them. That is more than I can do this next year. So how do we decide? How do we figure out where Capturing Courage will be going?

We decide by heart. What places are drawing me to them? Which ones resonate the strongest? Whom might I enjoy serving alongside the most? Where might I pour love this year?

There is for sure an element of where might God like me to go and the timing is of course very important, and yet at the base equation I cannot check my heart alongside his heart if I do not yet know my heart.

What do I want?

God has opened every door and therefore every door is free to go through. Open doors are a done deal.

It now comes down to, “What do I want?”

So that is the question I am settling into these last weeks. I’m getting in touch with my own desire and passion and hearts response amongst the invitations and grand folk I’ve already met and the phone calls and emails of those I’ve not yet met.

Problem is, I want to go to each one of these places. My heart says ‘yes’ to all of them, and so I must in fact go deeper and get in touch with my own passion on a more intimate level in order to answer the question.

It isn’t easy. Passion never is.

Blind Bartimeaus could have asked for lunch for his next day. Or he could have requested a fresh pair of socks. Maybe a new t-shirt or shoes even.

But Bartimeaus had been doing some soul searching. He had been getting in touch with his passion and the deepest desires of his heart and so when Jesus asked him what he wanted he was ready, “I want to see.”

He was instantly healed that day. (see Mark 10:46-52)

“I want to see” are profound and beautiful words.

How many of us are really honest about what we want? How many of us are willing to risk asking and speaking a desire that is so risky that if we put it out there and it doesn’t come to be we will forever be shamed?

Not many of us. But that is the task of our every day and the privilege of living.

Ask and it will be given to you.

What are we asking for?

What do we want?

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