I’m home.

The tasks around the house, the re-settling in, the unpacking, making a cup of tea in my own home, climbing into my own bed, are all small yet unbelievably sweet groundings.

Taking a few days to simply be in my home and with my kids has me tickled-pink.

And in the midst of my comforting familiar, I am struck with stunning clarity that my life will not be the same, and has dramatically and already in fact…

Changed.

While unpacking I think about putting the band-aids that I took in a small zip-lock away…

But why? my mind asks, I’ll just need it again in a few months, just the way it is, all ready for the next trip. And then the next one after that, and the one after that.

And in my gut I am struck by how life will in fact never be the same,

Ever again.

With commitments to Madudu, Uganda in August,

With nine other districts in Uganda fiercely wanting me back,

With others waiting on ‘a trip-in-the-planning to Tanzania ASAP’

With regular emails from Mozambique, “When are you coming?”

With fresh invites and plans-being-made to have me in Rwanda and Burundi,

And with an email upon my arrival home, “Please come to Pakistan”

I grasp that I must fully shift.

Not shift a bit,

Not even some,

Not partway or just enough,

But that all of heart and mind and spirit must fully enter this work, and that to do so,

I must change.

My commitments must be deeper,

My riskings-of-self more profound.

I am a coach after all. Trained to ask questions, trained to help others succeed, today I am most grateful to make good use of my own training.

And as a coach I know full well that ‘who I was yesterday got me to today’ but ‘who I am today will not get me to tomorrow’.

To enter tomorrow’s work, if it is to be dynamic and newly relevant, I must engage and personally invest in a deeper and fuller way than I’ve ever before imagined and have not yet experienced.

So I am coaching myself this morning:

“What change in your daily habits today, might ensure the greatest success tomorrow?”

“If there was one commitment that would dramatically move you toward this new future, what might that be?”

“What needs to happen in our home while I am home, to ensure success for my kids while I am away?”

“How do we take this shift in my work and use it as a catalyst in my kids lives?”

“What is the work that must be done ‘while home’ that sets up the ‘work away’ at best advantage?”

With these only some of what I am asking myself, I am keenly aware that this inquiry place must not be rushed, not skimmed over, not hastened away.

That time taken to ask what we don’t know is time well spent.

For while we build on the groundings of our past success, in order to make the most of our futures, we must be open to completely new ways of thinking and seeing, the blinders must come off of our visions and understandings.

The commitments of yesterday got me to today,

but tomorrow needs new commitments.

I’ve no idea how to live a life of home 2-3 months then gone 1-2 months, little idea of how to pour out to many and how to fully refresh in-between-times…

I’ve certainly got more questions than answers,

And that, is exactly the recipe for success.

Remaining in the inquiry place,

Refusing to have to have the answer today, or even tomorrow,

All the while making radical commitments of self,

Is exactly where the great works are done.

And I am looking to do a great work.

After all, why not?