Tag Archives: faithfulness

International Women’s Day

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P1230558 compressedOn this International Women’s Day it seems right to post an old paraphrase that I once did of Proverbs 31 – May this bless you today.

An Excellent Femininity:

The Proverbs 31 Woman Paraphrased

 

An excellent femininity who can find?

SHE has more dimensions than any precious jewel.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

she invests in her man’s prosperity.

Perceiving what is good for him (and while refusing harm),

she fully engages—

good is her investment in their years together.

With a ready spirit and an honest and enterprising heart she does not turn from the challenges of what she wants.

Because of this her world is large and she gleans from numerous resources for the benefit of her family.

Actively engaging her own needs and the needs of her family, she rises to meet each day with gladness and an eager spirit;

extending without prejudice a “welcome to the day”

to those about her.

Taking calculated risks her decision making finds profit

enabling her to invest yet again in more of her tomorrows.

She is strong in her inner self, her body too is strong, and in this her self respect is evident.
Rightly understanding what she has to bring to the table

as valuable, she offers it boldly.

When life is hard and all is ‘night’ she continues on

in the light of her God.

She is okay with menial tasks; it doesn’t have to be all about drama. She is not so overworked that she is not aware of,

nor unable to reach out to needs of others; her life has margin.

Hardships to come do not frighten her, for she

dresses her household in the blood of Christ daily in her prayers.

Refusing the temptation to neglect her own being, she cares for herself as diligently as anyone else;

And in her bearing and dress it’s clear she’s a daughter of The King.

Her husband, having his own something to offer

and in the bounty of her respect and respite freely offered him,

courageously takes his rightful place of influence.

She is not afraid of the marketplace, for knowing she has something worthy to offer confidently finds her place among it;

the marketplace is richer for her essence.

Her presence speaks of strength and dignity and from

an inner serenity with past and present

she delights to consider what her future holds for her.

Her mouth dispenses wisdom, her words, her spirit, and her manner model kindness and graciousness.

She is not lazy, but sacrifices and prioritizes in the care of her home and those in it.

Her children grow and one day thank her.

Her husband loves her.

The mere form of femininity is a lie, but a woman who risks to shine in all she is created to be by her God will have substance

worthy of praise.

Give her the fruit of her hands,

and may her reputation be known by all.

Capturing God’s Heart – Our Journey – Volume 20

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This journey of walking with God is not always smooth. We experience a lot of hurdles and bumps in the road.

There are times of confusion and disappointment. There are times of frustration and upset.

These are really normal. They are part of our experience as human beings.

Sometimes, especially when we are young in the Lord, we expect God to make everything great.

We think that if we walk with God then everything will go how we want it to go.

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Faithfulness

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P1290233 compressedSome of you may not know that I home-schooled for sixteen years. With five kids, I at one point in time was overseeing five different grade levels. In addition to this, we had Korean students joining our homeschooling for more than five of those years. And I was tutoring English on the side as well.

I write this today, because I am struck by the themes of our lives, and how they seem to unfold before us, almost unbeknownst and certainly never foreseen.

Looking back at my own school years, the one thing that came through time and time again, year after year, report card after report card, was this, “Cyndy is not living up to her potential.”

Looking back at high-school, where I would bluff my way through Biology 12 with ridiculous rambling balder-dash answers to test questions (my teacher passed me because he was so amused, really, he told me so), the easy A’s I got in Psychology 12 without any studying whatsoever (a girlfriend was quite miffed with me about that ), and the Art class that I made sure to have each year, where we would spend our time practicing dance steps…

Who woulda’ thunk that my life would be marked by education and learning and mentoring.

I missed a phone call from Uganda early this morning, not sure who it was, and so I simply add this to the many calls, texts, and emails that remind me quite regularly of the same thing, “Please come to us.”

“It is time to make this work more official Cyndy, please mentor a small group here in Uganda that we might carry on the work.”

“All we know Cyndy, is that we need you in back in Uganda.”

When are you coming to Mozambique?

When are you coming to Pakistan?

When are you coming to…?”

When I was homeschooling, the routine was grueling. At one point in time, at the fullest point, I began the day at 7am with my oldest, checking on her work, reviewing whatever was new that day, and assigning the next work. Then at 7:45 the same with my oldest son, and then again with my third.

We would then fit some breakfast in, and have the youngest working at their stuff, with all of us ready for the Korean student/s to arrive at 9am. I’d get them set with what they were doing, then time with my third and fourth, and the projects they were all doing together, and later one-on-one time with my youngest.

I’m not even going to finish the full extent of our days. Pretty sure you get the picture. On top of all this, three of my five kids had various degrees of learning disabilities. And so there were the challenges of working alongside and through those realities.

During those years I learned a number of things. I learned how to schedule my time, and to self motivate. I learned how to juggle  and I learned to put down the balls that needed to be put down for a time.

I learned to meet and to pour into a life and to grieve when that student left us. Again and again. I was always saying goodbye to Korean students, and I missed each of them deeply when they left. It was those years where I learned to grieve so well.

I learned to stop in the middle of a day, a couple times a day, and just sit. With my cup of tea in hand on the front steps of my house, I caught 15 minutes of silence and quiet deep inside myself. I learned to work hard and to rest hard.

Most of all I learned faithfulness.

And as I look ahead at the years to come, pouring into the spiritual lives of hundreds of people, mentoring small teams across the seas, encouraging and training and teaching, all the while holding each commitment, each church body, each pastor, deeply in my heart, I clearly see, that homeschooling, was just the start.

It was my training ground. A pressure pot of responsibility, of creativity, of time management, of patience, of honoring others over myself, and most of all, of faithfulness.

I’ve been asked many a time, “How did you do that?” To which I always respond, “I have no idea.”

And it is true. I look back and really have no clue how all those homeschooling years happened. I do know that I am so deeply glad for those years. There are numerous warm memories and crazy things and beautiful routines that happened in the midst of simply growing alongside my kids.

But I don’t really know how I did all that.

Looking ahead, I have no idea how I am going to ‘do all that’ is being asked of me in Africa and beyond. But I do know that I don’t have to know at this point in time.

For anything we do is done a step at a time. A month at a time. A year at a time.

We don’t walk in decades, we walk in days.

And all that is really required is faithfulness, and a heart that carries others, and will to make some things happen.

From responsibility to responsibility, we grow and are grown, we bless and are blessed.

The Spirit Beckoning

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passion of real workI’ve been working hard. Putting my nose to the grindstone, I’ve been putting in hours, getting done what I know needs to be done. With a priority list of first, second, and third tasks, I’ve always just doggedly worked away.

Always. For years now.

And years.

I like work. Love my work in fact.

Love the people and the writing and the speaking and the preparing. Love the social media end of things, meeting others from around the globe, encouraging and pouring in strength. I love prayer and preaching, love speaking the heart of God, prayer ministry and coaching. Love all of it.

Today though, I came to the end of my running to-do list.

  • Website refreshed. Check
  • Other website built. Check
  • Advance engine figured out. Check
  • Event I was speaking at. Done and Check
  • Prayer Meeting this week. Check
  • Blog Written. Check
  • Grandson babysat. Check
  • Daughters hung out with. Check
  • Curtains hemmed. Check
  • Dishes done. Check
  • House organized and tidy. Check
  • Deck winterized and ready for rain. Check
  • Emails caught up. Check
  • Inquiry emails out. Check
  • Next weeks schedule confirmed. Check
  • Items delegated out. Check
  • Check, Check, and Check.

And all of a sudden I am alone in my house. The only sound as I write this, is the dryer rattling round and round. I’ve the rest of the day by myself, with nothing pressing upon me. I can hardly remember the last time I was face to face with quiet and time and nothing to do.

It is in this space that I hear the Spirit beckoning me. A soft whisper in my heart, the voice of God impressing upon me, to come and ‘lets do some writing’… and my heart responds with trepidation.

Now, I have been walking with God for over 40 years. I know the heart and the voice of God, and I have given my life over to the kingdom of God on this earth, and however that might play out in eternity.

But today, right now, I am afraid. Not afraid afraid, but rather an avoiding kind of afraid. For this invitation to enter into the writing at hand (a book I’ve been working on), is a scary kind of thing.

I’ve realized lately that I have always shrunk back from the most important work. I’ve shrunk back from the miracles and from the places where glory supersedes and surrounds.

This invitation to write feels to me that I am being invited into the grand hall of The King. That the beauty there will be so overwhelming that I’ll simply have to fall to my knees, that the presence of the King will consume me, and there will be no recourse but to quake and be rendered speechless.

Yet in this place, are the miracles. In this place are the great works of art. This place holds the glory of God come to mankind.

How long have I been avoiding this work. The real work. How long have I been playing it safe; playing at work that matters, doing the relatively easy work, the work that looks great but doesn’t really take much from me.

There is a whole core of my understanding of God that has never been expressed. This is the work I am being called to today. And like a squirmy worm on a hook, I would rather do any other seemingly great thing than to go and write words and pages that enter me into this profoundly deep presence of God.

I imagine the crazy artistry of Beethoven or Bach as they pounded away on their pianos and over their music script. That is what working on this book feels to me. Like heading into a cave where everything else falls aside, except me and the Lord.

It’s all I’ve ever wanted. And all I’ve ever truly been afraid of.

A Revolution

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faithfulness to GodWoven through many of the messages that I heard in Uganda, is an undertone, and often an explicit statement that says, “Come to God and He will make you Great”

or, “Come to Jesus and you will be Big”

Or the most blasphemous statement heard via the television on my last trip, “The wealthier you are the holier you are”

Wow, eh…

So much wrong with that one. But even the other ones, ‘come to God so as to be great’, are gross misrepresentations of the scriptures.

Nowhere have I ever read in my Bible that God promises to make us Great.
But all of this false doctrine I didn’t know about on my first trip to Uganda. I wasn’t aware of the undertone of lusted-after-grandeur and of God being the big fix-it-all-button. Nevertheless, the Holy Spirit led me to preach this sermon, to share this message:

It is good to gather today. And we do so in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

We come together not as people who have nothing in common. For regardless of the circumstances of our lives being different, the experiences of our lives, the trouble that comes our way as human beings, is much the same all over the globe.

And the manner by which God meets us in our difficulty is the also the same. No matter where we live, no matter what color our skin and no matter our socioeconomic status or the culture in which we find ourselves, at our emotional core we all need God the same way.

You may think that Canada has no trouble. But there is trouble all over the globe. Let me share with you a bit of my own story.

You see, I have known what it is to go without food, for at one time I was starving myself so my children could eat. I’ve known what it is to not be able to clothe my kids, I’ve known what it is to rely on the donations of others in order to clothe my children.

I’ve known what it is to be verbally and psychologically abused. I’ve known a bad marriage and of being mocked by the one who swore to love me.

And I’ve known what it is to be sexually abused; for twice as a child I was raped.

And in and through all of that I have come to know a God who is greater than these things, and that walks with us through all of life’s experiences, the good the bad and the ugly.

God does not promise to fix our lives, but he does promise to walk alongside as we go through life. His presence makes all the difference, and God in the gift of Jesus Christ, has gone to extremes to ensure that we can walk together.

We think that God owes us something. But fact of the matter is, God owes us nothing, and we on the other hand, owe him our very lives.

The summer that I was working through the rape memories, the Spirit asked me this,

“In light of everything that has gone bad. In spite of everything that is horribly wrong, will you love me, will you trust me, and will you know me to be good?”

I had accepted Christ as my Savior at the age of six, but that acceptance was in the light of a rosy all-is-right with the world perspective. Christ is easy to accept in the fairytale of our lives.

This time, some 35 years later, Christ was asking me again. “Will you love me, will you trust me, and will you know me to be good?”

It was a hard place. Could I? Would I?

How much do we love God? Do we love him, do we trust him, and will we know him to be good?

My faith up till that point in time had been fairly shallow (now in retrospect). You see a gospel that says come to God and your life will be fixed is shallow at best, blasphemous at worst.

Will our lives steadily increase as we walk with God? Yes!

Do our lives become increasingly free as we give our lives over to Christ? Yes!

But nowhere are we promised that our lives will be fixed.

And so, if God does not fix your life, if nothing changes, and in light of all that is bad, will you love him, will you trust him, and will you know him to be good?

For you see, our decision to give over our lives to the living God, comes before anything gets better. It comes before we see resolutions and before there is relief. We must ask ourselves, how much do we love God today?

And what things have you been holding out as a prerequisite to your full involvement with him? What deals have you been trying to make? What assurances are you demanding?

God owes us nothing, we on the other hand, owe God our very lives.

Speaking this message that first trip, I never knew how revolutionary a message it would be in light of the Uganda culture, never realized that it is a message in direct opposition to the ‘Come to God and he will make you great or big or wealthy or healthy or… ”

But I am pretty sure it is not revolutionary just in Uganda, but in Canada as well.

These revolutionary messages of the heart of God are exactly the work we as Capturing Courage International are called to preach. It is the core of the Biblical Training that we are taking, the core of the Leadership Development and Emotional and Spiritual Freedoms.

What do we believe about God?

What does God say about God?

And what might we bring to God today?

Capturing God’s Heart – Faith – Volume 15

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When we start off in the Christian life we are concerned with the laws of God, of pleasing him and about what is right and wrong.

As we grow we find that things of God and of our lives are not so obvious as we once believed.

There are a lot of unknowns as we live our lives. And as we mature we find that God speaks to all of us in different ways about various things.

While there are many specifics about a lot of things, there is also a lot of room for a relationship with God that is unique to us.

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What Anna Taught Me

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P1080249 compressedIt has been a year. A year since my granddaughter Anna died in her sleep. She was four months old; had been bubbly and so alive, with a generous smile for everyone.

Anna’s baby brother was born just a month ago. She never got to see him, never got to unwrap and ‘inspect’ this new little one as her Mamma did when her younger brother was born.

It is the little things we miss the most.

Yet in it all, there have been big things. So many big things.

Anna’s life taught me so so much. I am a changed person because of her; because of both her life and somehow even more because of her death.

I will never forget one year ago today, waking in the morning, lying in my bed thinking about who was going to post on Facebook that Anna had died.

For those of you not on Facebook this may sound crazy, yet for those of us who fellowship there it will make perfect sense.

Any number of us had been posting and putting pictures and celebrating Anna ever since her birth. There was a joint community of delight around her, and now all of a sudden she was gone.

Who was going to give the news?

In my mind’s eye I went through the list of family. Alexis and Manuel of course, my Mom, Sisters, Brothers, other kids… and in a moment’s stunning clarity I realized that I was the one.

It rested on me to break the news. It was I who was to put a post that would say, ‘Anna has died’.

Now through the years I’ve always shrunk back from leadership.

Challenged years ago by someone in regard to, ‘who is the leader?’; pressing me to admit and to acknowledge that I was the leader; I never did admit it at the time, couldn’t bring myself to it, refused to acknowledge.

Not till later while reading Isaiah 3:6-7 did I see that Leader and Healer is synonymous, that to lead is to heal, and to heal is to lead, and only then did I accept and embrace and become invested in leading. Invested in healing,

And there I was. My four-month old granddaughter had just died. We were all in shock, stunned, grief-stricken, and it was my role to lead the way through the labyrinth of grappling this alongside each other and before God.

It was one of those crystalline moments; where it seems that everything of one’s life has been focused and prepared for this moment, this time.

That moment changed me.

It brought me into my own, into the influence I am to walk in every day.

Rather than an odd here or there moment of influence, I was to heal and lead as a manner of who I am. This had always been there, I just never wanted to admit it.

Until Anna came… and went,

An event so gargantuan in nature that there was nothing left to do but draw from the reserves planted deep within myself.

A week later standing on that stage at her memorial, speaking of Anna, speaking of God’s presence through our week, speaking our declaration of the goodness of God in the midst of death, it all came together.

This is our strength, this is our declaration, God’s finger in the movement of our lives cannot be discounted. Because of God and God alone, the sting is removed from our lives, and declaring this is the strength for which I was born.

Anna’s death was the catalyst that solidified the strengths I am to bring to the world.

I’ve never been the same.

Anna brought out the best in me. Anna brought me to myself.

Sometimes I think she lived to make me strong, and died to make me stronger.

And I know she somehow did the same for others.

Thank-you Anna, thanks Lord.

Inestimable Value

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Value in UgandaImagine if you will for a moment, that you have a person by your side of inestimable value; a person who has made themselves invaluable to you. A person who knows what is important to you, what makes you tick, how you work best and the values by which you work.

Just imagine.

There is a Pastor Edison in Uganda, overseeing a number of churches throughout the surrounding area where he lives.

The day I spoke at his church I spoke of this:

“Imagine that Pastor Edison has a helper. But not just any helper. Imagine that this helper has made it top priority to know Pastor Edison. And not to just know him but to study him. To find out what is important to him.

What does he value, how does he go about his work, what is the manner of his interactions, what are his nonnegotiables? What are his goals and dreams, and what are the priorities in the churches he oversaw?

Imagine that before this person really offers what s/he might bring to the table, the first months are spent simply studying Pastor Edison. Just imagine that this person gets it that to know Pastor Edison is the first and foremost key to being useful to Pastor Edison, and to the surrounding parish”

As I asked there I will ask here, “Would this person be of use to Pastor Edison?”

Would this person have made him or herself incredibly invaluable?

The answer of course: and with a wide grin and dancing eyes, Pastor Edison gave a hearty, “Yes!”

It is the dream (and deep need) of every leader to have such a one(s) by their side.

I had been reading the book of Daniel in the Old Testament.

Daniel is a fantastic book that tells us so, so much about being promoted within a kingdom.

While many believe that promotion comes only to the lucky or the wealthy or by some off-chance, the story of Daniel in the time of the Babylonians testifies otherwise.

Promotion is never chance.

Daniel starts off as a foreigner in the land. The Israelites had been taken captive by the Babylonians, and Daniel finds himself a young man in service to the King.

We find a number of different things about Daniel and his character and service.

First off, we find that Daniel had a few of his own integrity points by which he wants to live, and he holds these close to himself, defends them and through tact and wisdom does not give them over to the oversight of anyone else.

Only a few times do we read of Daniel standing firm in his own stuff for his own stuff sake, but firm he does stand.

Daniel held to a level of personal integrity which powerfully paved the way for the rest of his incredible service to the Kings that came and went during his lifetime.

Reading further and as the stories are told, with snapshots of encounters with the Kings, we find Secondly that Daniel honors Kings.

He honored the earthly kings, and he honored the King of Heaven.

Daniel sought to know the hearts and motives and values of the Kings, and his service was always in fact a service to each King. He came to deeply love the Kings, and wanted only success and safety and prosperity for them.

Daniel was that one by the side, the one of inestimable value.

And because of this, his influence grew and grew and grew.

For you see, the King could trust him.

Daniel had proven over and over that he was there for the King,

And because the King could trust him, he entrusted him with his Kingdom.

Now, it is the same in this life, with us as people in our jobs and companies and organizations, and it is the same with the King of this Universe.

Promotions happen as we prove our trustworthiness.

It is all a test,

“Who can I trust?” is the question every leader is asking.

The entire Bible is God’s letter sharing (his) heart with us. We find God’s nonnegotiables. We find God’s passions. We find God’s values. We find God’s manner of work and priorities.

God is putting it all out there, “Here read of me, find out what makes me tick, what is important to me. I am looking for those who will serve alongside me, but first you must know me. Who will take the time to study me?”

It is the wise person who studies God, to find out how to serve and to be of inestimable value.

Like any wise person in any company or organization, the one who wants to be advanced seeking to study and learn the values and priorities and heart,

In like form, as we pour ourselves out in service to The King,

Proving that we are oriented to the King,

Taking our cues from the King,

Seeing all of life as through the eyes of The King,

We will be entrusted more and more, bit by bit, with the King’s Kingdom.

Trusted with the King’s priorities and heart and vision…

Inestimable value

Capturing God’s Heart – Promotion – Volume 8

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The book of Daniel is rich in wisdom and modeling of how to walk in integrity, how to focus and hold our ground, how to honor others, and most of all, how to advance through the Kingdom of God.

In the first chapter of Daniel we find Daniel holding his ground. He and three of his friends had been among the Israelite captives taken into exile to Babylon.

They were to be served the food from the King’s own table. But we read Daniel’s resolution in Daniel 1:8-15

“But Daniel was determined not to defile himself by eating the food and wine given to them by the King.” Daniel 1:8

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Aligned Just Right

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P1260728 flipped compressedI’ve had time today to reassess all the opportunities, invitations and open doors before us, knowing full-well that the most important job that a leader does is think.

Leaders are responsible for the steering of the ship, and whether that ship stays on due course or not.

I’ve spent my day thinking. Making sure that the ship I am steering will stay on due course.

And into the conversation with myself and the Lord has been this issue of doing the work or preparing the work.

Let me give you an example of what I mean:

I worked in the hospitality industry for a time. We served a lot of weddings and other such large banquets.

And when setting tables for say 300 people there are two styles of doing the job.

The First Style:

Count out eight plates and carry those plates to the table. Count out eight glasses and carry those glasses to the table. Count out eight forks, knives, spoons, spoon again, and carry those to the table. Count out eight napkins and carry those to the table.

Do this 37 times.

Make note that the tables are not yet set. In order to set the table, one must move the piles around and back and forth as the setting is finally made complete.

The Second Style:

Take a stack of plates in one arm, walk around the tables putting each plate in its proper place, continuing from table to table until the stack is gone. Go get another stack and repeat. Take a large handful of (in turn) knives, forks, spoons and spoons again, and walk around the tables placing the silverware at each place setting. Repeat until all tables have cutlery.

Take a bin of glasses on your hip and walk around…

You get the point.

Let me ask you, which style is preparing the work, and which style is doing the work?

I’ve got to say, in case you can’t tell, that the first style is merely preparing the work. The work is not to get piles of stuff to each table, the work is to set the table.

(Reminds me of a conversation with my daughter a few weeks back. She was mopping but left some spots on the kitchen floor to which I called her back saying, “The job is not to mash the mop over the floor, the job is to clean the floor” She could only chuckle in response as she went over the floor again.)

But getting back to setting the tables:

Which way of setting the tables takes more time?

I actually walked off a shift that insisted we do it the first way. There was no way $11 an hour was worth that much insanity and frustration. Actually, you couldn’t pay me $50 an hour to do a job that way.

And I’ve never lost the lesson.

Thank goodness. Just this evening I was asked by a gentleman what my strategy was for moving forward. I told him the strategy. It is simple and elegant, but not unwieldy nor over-planned. It is sustainable, but I must admit, it doesn’t look like much on paper.

But I am determined to do the work, and not over-plan the work, for only then am I am freed to be doing more work.

There has been suggestions of showcasing individuals on the website. A great idea at first glance. Why not? Well, I or someone else would be spending all their time at the computer. And we are not called to computer work.

Thoughts of planning curriculum (which I could do, wrote a book about how to do that for homeschoolers), but again, that is not the work I am to be doing. I could plan ad-nauseum and never actually get to what was planned. Don’t we do that all the time?!

We could build a building for training, or build a home base in Africa.

There has been talk of both these things from a few different folks.

The problem is, while we could say, “We have a base in Uganda” or “We have a school in Uganda” and sound very important and official and grand… I wouldn’t be actually doing the work I am called to do.

And all of a sudden we would be maintaining that building, caring for the building, improving the building, administrating the building… it wouldn’t end.

Caring for the school, administrating the school… you get the picture. The school is not the point, education is the point. And that we can accomplish much simpler through routes already established.

The same holds true of so many things, so many types of jobs. Where we spend our time planning and preparing and ensuring everything is set to go, and then planning and preparing and ensuring everything is set to go.

Meanwhile, the actual work is not done,

but boy do we ever feel great! (busy-work is a false placebo)

It can be quite a lot of balderdash.

All that to say, we must be about the work, the real work, the actual thing that is the job.

We do not shrink back from the real work, rather we engage, pour ourselves into the real work, risk for the work, fail and get back up again for the work…

There is no risk putting piles of dishes and cutlery on the table,

But setting that table, perfectly and aligned just right,

Now that take some guts and some willingness to engage

Thanks Lord

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P1260776 compressedI’ve stayed over in the village, settled in my bed, the talking finally stopped, and now the singing and dancing has begun outside, and I am so tired I just want to cry.

And tomorrow, I’m on deck, for two or three sessions of Spiritual Development and life-giving prayers that sap the energy from me as God’s power pours through.

It has been a hard few days.

The bulk of the work has begun, and in the midst I can’t see heads nor tails.

I’ve been reminded that once we enter the fray, we are either ready or not.

We have either done our homework beforehand, or we will be found wanting in the midst.

Once the work starts, we’d better hope that we have our heads screwed on straight.

It is a bit (okay maybe a lot) like flying blind.

It’s as though I’ve entered the darkness and can’t see my hand in front of my face.

And but for my well-honed intuition and years of character development (and thank-you God for wisdom gifts), I don’t think I would be lasting.

The wait has been long to enter this work, and now I get it. Those years, every single one of them, were absolutely necessary. Not a speck of time has been out of order.

Makes me think of a pilot who trains and practices and trains and practices so that when the blizzard comes the pilot has the no-how and guts and instinct to navigate well and come out the other side.

Thank-fully, I’ve got one of those little bobble-head compass things in my head

And my list of do’s and don’ts:

  • Never manipulate through emotions, making others feel guilt or shame
  • Never uncover a persons weakness in their own home (country)
  • Make no excuses, take 100% responsibility
  • Always honor

It’s not an exhaustive list, but one that has worked well over the years. And it is working well now. Through these benchmarks for my own responses I am safeguarded from allowing my humanity to destroy the work.

Work taken years to build can after all, be undone in one swift movement.

And I’ve learned one more this week:

  • Do not give authority for decision to others, that are supposed to be my own.

It is easy to give our authority away. When faced with a hard call and voices all round declaring this and that, pulling and pushing…

I gave way and handed over a decision to another

BAD MISTAKE

I recommend you do not do this.

BAD things come of it.

And I am reminded that we are to carry the responsibility and the authority of our lives.

And when we default these to others, things do not go well.

I wonder how much of the things in our lives that are not working well, are because we’ve given over the authority to another.

Having somehow forgotten that we will stand before God one day and give account for our lives. Not anyone else.

In the years of preparing for this work, years of tentatively stepping out in various ways, of pushing the boundaries of who people knew me to be…

Trust me, I’ve had my share of naysayers.

What kept me on track has been a holy fear of God.

A sermon years back jolted me to the Biblical passage that goes something like this, ‘she who has been given much, much will be required’

And through my mind went all the things I’d been given, such as legacy, wisdom, intelligence, among others.

And I clearly saw myself standing before God and answering for my life.

“What did you do with what I gave you?”

And I imagined my pathetic – at the time – responses,

“Well you see, my husband mocks and ridicules me.”

“Well you see, my friend doesn’t understand.”

“Well you see, my pastor won’t give approval.”

“Well you see, I have dishes to wash.”

Can you see it, standing in the throne-room of heaven before the God of heaven and earth and I am giving these excuses…

I knew they wouldn’t fly, and that I had to be faithful to HIM, and not any other.

And here I am today, holding full responsibility for my life as any adult is meant to do.

So, in the midst of the fray, and the flying-blind, that just might continue for the rest of this trip, I’m remembering to keep authority close in my pocket,

While giving honor and respect and emotional freedom in spades, I do NOT give over the authority that I have been particularly called to walk in.

Rather, making decisions I am to make, boldly and with courage, and to hold fast,

Trusting the one who has prepared me and trained me and remembering that He does all things well, and His timing is perfect

Thanks Lord