I write this today to give some practical and simple guidelines to those who are compelled to share the word of God but may struggle with any of the following:
This simple guide can be used by pastors and by lay persons to prepare a simple sermon, a Bible study class, or to simply share a personal testimony.
Some weeks ago we had a specific request from one of our pastors in India,
“Sister I need a study or a sermon on husband and wife relationship according to Bible or marital life with Christ because in our church we have many broken families. Women are hard working and their husbands are fully drunkards and they beat their wives like anything. Kindly I need a sermon like how they can change their husbands”
We acknowledge that without the inner transformative power of our Lord Jesus Christ none of us can ever be changed. This material simply seeks to take men through a short study of the scriptures in regards to the value of every human being, forgiveness and redemption found at the cross of Christ, the heart of God over each of us and how these things play out in the roles and responsibilities of leadership and within the context of marriage.
We pray the Lord’s quickening of our words, but we particularly agree to the quickening of His words found in scripture. This we have sought to faithfully give.
We share the entire content in this post. Please find the pdf for your easy downloading HERE
Stewardship
In this life everything we are given is a gift from God. Right from the beginning of the world God put Adam and Eve as overseers and stewards of all He had made.
“The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.” Genesis 2:15
To be a steward is to be given a trust, to be entrusted with something. As stewards of God’s kingdom we will all answer to Him one day for what we did or didn’t do with what we were entrusted. Our actions matter, the choices we make matter.
We have responsibility to God for how we live our lives and the manner in which we go through our days. We have responsibility in regards to how we treat each other. We will give account for how we brought the Spirit of Christ into all of our dealings.
Yet right from the beginning things have gone wrong. Adam and Eve sinned in not believing God and ever since men and women have tried to do life apart from Him. It hasn’t turned out so well.
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23
There has been much conflict and difficulty. We use and abuse each other. We hurt and cause harm to others and ourselves. It is easy to see that we are lost without God’s touch upon our hearts and minds and lives.
Thankfully God stepped in by sending his son Jesus Christ to take care of our sin natures.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.” John 3:16-17
The good news is that Jesus takes full responsibility for the things we have done to each other. He bore the burden of our sin on the cross. We are told that we can now take hold of this new gift of life and grace that Jesus made possible for us.
We simply receive Christ and the gift of life that he bought for us,
“Jesus I realize that there are many things I cannot make right. There are many things that I struggle with and on my own these are just too much. But I hear that you are interested in walking alongside me and within me. I’d like this. I agree today to your redeeming my life and me. I want to do life with you. I welcome you to guide me and to show me how to live. Amen”
As we turn toward Jesus Christ He enables us to live different kinds of lives with ourselves and with others.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17
Our spiritual eyes are opened in new ways and we begin living differently.
Women are Equal Partners
One of the first ways that God’s heart begins to show through our hearts is in our treatment of each other. Receiving God’s love and grace and forgiveness into our own lives enables us to show God’s love and grace and forgiveness to others. We are supernaturally equipped to do life.
“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2
For men this begins at home with your wife and children. Whenever any of us come to God, turning to Christ, we realize every single human being has incredible value and worth. God has made every single one precious in His sight.
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27
We find in fact that men and women are created equal in God’s sight and we recognize where we have been unjust in our treatment of the women around us.
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:28
At the same time we are often stuck in patterns of ill treatment towards each other. Here too we turn to Christ and invite and rely on Him to change us from the inside out.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10
We are all entrusted with the hearts of each other to care for, to nurture, to love. A man is gifted and entrusted with a wife; she is his most important stewardship opportunity. One day each man will stand before God and answer for the way he treated her and her children.
You are Enough in Christ
This is a big task and the most important work of all. You have been gifted for the task as you live in God. You are enough in Christ for all the difficulties that might come your way. We are told,
“His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence,” 2 Peter 1:3
In regards to difficulties and this life we have some great promises of God to hold onto and to give us strength.
“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.” John 14:1
“Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6
“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day.” Psalms 91:1-6 (read all of Psalm 91)
Life has Problems and Pain but also Healing and Redemption
It is not easy of course. Life is difficult and we as men and women have grown up receiving our own hurts and harms from our parents and those who raised us. Sometimes we take the pain in our own hearts and pass it on to those around us. In fact, it is often those closest to us that get the worst of our behavior.
Sometimes it is our own bitterness and hatred that drives us to hurt others. Whether it has been hurts given us by others or the bitterness that we carry, these things we can give over to God. Here too, instead of managing poorly in dealing with hurts and hatreds we simply turn to God with them. We give ourselves over to God.
“Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out.” Acts 3:19
“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” James 4:8
And as we turn to God with our hurts and our hatreds God relieves us of these great burdens; we were never meant to carry hurt and hatred and bitterness. This is the great news of Jesus Christ; we can be new people because Jesus came to carry our pain.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
We must remember that Christ died not only to remove our sin but also to cover over the sin of others against us. As we give our hurts to God and he replaces them with peace and patience and with gladness and joy. We can learn to treat others with the peace and patience that we ourselves have received from God.
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32
One day at a time
We live this new way one day at a time. Change comes bit by bit. Sometimes we still hurt over our past but as we come close to God we are told that he comes close to us. In this way we are changed into the image of God. He tells us we are loved.
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20
Each day we begin with, “God I invite you into today. Welcome into my relationships today. I give you my pain and my sorrow. I receive from you your peace and gladness. May I walk in you today. May I treat my wife and children as you would have me treat them. Help me to love them as you love them; thank-you for the gift that they are in my life. Amen”
Commitment to a bigger way – gentleness, vulnerability
Walking each day with the Lord grows our awareness. We begin to understand things that we never thought of before. We realize that we don’t know everything like we once thought we did. And we see that we have made mistakes.
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16
These new insights can make us feel vulnerable and unsafe. “What if others reject me?” we may ask.
Before we thought that powerful was being scary and mean. Now we begin to see that the most powerful people are those who are gentle and kind. We realize that to influence and to grow others, that we must have bigger thinking and understanding. We begin to see that we can have a good impact in this world.
“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you.” John 15:12-14
Loose off Guilt by the Power of Jesus Christ
But it is hard to take on new ways when we are burdened by the guilt of the old ways. The good news is that Jesus Christ died to carry your guilt. He became the scapegoat that takes away the sins of the world. No longer do we look at each other, nor ourselves with wrath and hatred and contempt.
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10
We therefore give our guilt to God, “God I see this day all the wrongs that I have done. The guilt of these things are too much for me. I am tired and worn down by my guilt. Today I renounce this guilt in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ and I put all guilt at the foot of the cross. I declare my guilt covered in the blood of my Lord Jesus Christ, washed away. I simply stand as a new creation in Christ and I receive your forgiveness God. Thank-You.”
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1
And as we do this we are told that Jesus comes to us and eats with us. He initiates forgiveness and restoration and peace to community and family.
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” 1 Peter 2:9
Take on His Compassion and Sacrificial Service
Once we have given our guilt to God and felt the release of His Spirit over our lives we can enter into compassion and sacrificial service. Where before we condemned others for our bad things, we now release others to be as God created them to be. Then we find ourselves released to love and serve them.
“For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” Romans 8:2
We realize that we are all sinners. We all make mistakes. The difficulties of this world have impacted all of us. We are no better or less than anyone else. Because of this we find new compassion flowing over us and we are now able to be compassionate to others.
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23
Our eyes and understanding are opened to the good that others are trying to do. We see people with grace and understanding and this includes our wife and children. We begin to treat them better too.
All of this is possible because we remain in Jesus Christ, turned toward Him each day.
“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.” John 15:4
Jesus Models Regard for Women
When Jesus was on earth he modeled a very different kind of respect and regard for women. Traditionally all over the world and all through time women have been treated very badly. It is as though Satan has a particular hatred for women. But Christ came to show a different way.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2
His was a special relationship with women, one of full regard and respect and love for them. Jesus counteracted the culture of his day, and of ours, where women are ill treated, abused, and considered a throw-away commodity. Consider this,
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7
There are four vital principles for husbands in this one verse:
Principle one and two is a practical suggestion based on the physical ability of women. We know today that physically women are weaker than men; men have three layers of muscle while women have two layers of muscle. From a purely physical stand point women simply are not as strong as men.
Because of this Peter is admonishing men to recognize this and to relate differently with their wives, to live in understanding of them.
Where two men might ‘fight it out’ we are told in the Bible that this is not the way between men and women. To beat a woman is to overwhelm her with violence both to her body and her heart.
Do not beat your wife. To do so is to dishonor her and it is a dishonor of God who made her; she is equal to you, treat her as such. Show her honor and regard and love.
“For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain.” Titus 1:7
God feels so strongly about this that we are told that a man’s prayers will be hindered to the same degree that he dishonors and ill-treats his wife. (1 Peter 3:7 as above)
We find similar admonition towards care for wives in Malachi,
“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.” Malachi 2:16
In many cultures around the world women are treated as disposable commodities. They are cast off at the least little thing and regarded as interchangeable and considered to be made only for man’s pleasure and convenience. We know this to be false for every single person, man, woman, child is made in the image of God.
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27
God is saying to not treat your wife as less than yourself. God declares her equal before Him. To cast her off, to beat her, to dishonor her, is to curse your self with layers of violence. By dishonoring her you dishonor yourself. Men, rather, are to serve their wives as Christ served the church.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” Ephesians 5:25
“In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Ephesians 5:28
“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” Colossians 3:19
Men head of the household – leaders take 100% responsibility
“For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.” Ephesians 5:23
We know today that to be the head of something is to take 100% responsibility. The one in leadership is entrusted with the care and outcome of that thing and this is in regard to business, organizations, churches, and relationships of all sorts including marriage. You are responsible.
We also flip this around and assert that the one taking 100% responsibility is the one leading; for authority and responsibility go hand in hand. To have authority is to have responsibility. To have responsibility is to have authority.
Yet not authority to lord it over, to belittle, to put down, to curse, this type of authority is that of Satan. The authority of Jesus Christ, and of all those who follow him, is that of lifting up, of honoring, of encouraging and bringing blessing where there has been cursing.
“But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.” 1 Timothy 6:11
Quite simply we can tell the quality of a man by the look in his wife’s eyes. A woman well cared for shines. A woman despised carries grief and sorrow and it shows on her face and in her posture.
If your wife is your crown we ask, “how shiny is your crown men?” How bright eyed and lovely is your wife. A woman’s beauty comes from deep inside her soul. This beauty is released as she is regarded, respected, with genuine care and concern.
As leader and head of his wife a man will stand before God one day and answer for what he has done to her. Does she reflect beauty and confidence or is she sad and despondent?
Like all actions in leadership this is a place that refuses to cast blame and refuses to make excuses. Rather men of leadership quality seek answers and solve problems, remembering the grace of our Lord. They remain in Christ as we spoke of earlier. Most of all they lead well and take great care of the hearts that have been entrusted to them.
You are More Powerful than you Know
You have the power to make your wife shine. Each day ask your wife how she is doing. See if there is anything she might need help with. Thank her for all she does for you and for your household. Bless her for being the mother of your children.
Touch her in non-sexual ways, with simple touch let her know that you see her as a human being and valuable to God. Tell her how much you appreciate her. Thank the Lord for her daily.
Be a safe person for your wife. Do not make her responsible for your fears, your insecurities, your anger, and everything that has gone wrong in your life. These things, and we all have these, are to be taken before the Lord on a daily basis. Find your center in the Lord and become a blessing to your wife and children.
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
Look into her eyes and acknowledge her. Listen to her. Take time to just sit alongside her for a time each day. You do not have to fix everything. Simply assure her that you are for her and not against her. She will begin to shine.
God has made women to pour out to all those around her. Women are wired to be generous and to give their lives away. Who is pouring into her? Who is filling her up so that she can continue in this life-giving manner given her? You, her husband, are to be the one pouring into her.
Just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for her, so too are men to be sacrificially giving their lives to their wives. What and how might you encourage and strengthen and gladden your wife’s heart? Serve her. Help her. Offer her your strength so that her strength may not wither away.
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20
Stand before God, well done!
One day we will all stand before God and we would like to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of the Lord.” As husband and head of your wife and home, as the one taking on 100% responsibility this is both an awesome and terrifying opportunity.
The first thing to do is found in Proverbs,
“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” Proverbs 16:3
The second thing to do is to receive from your wife. She has been uniquely wired to help you be widely successful. God has given her special gifting to help you. Listen to her. She has wisdom, insights, and understanding that you do not have.
It is a foolish man who will not receive (from his wife) all that she has to give him.
“Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21
Submission is in many ways about receiving. Submission is about coming under the unique gifting of each other for mutual benefit and blessing.
Receive from your wife and you will be more successful than if you try to do life on your own. It is the wise man that walks in understanding with his wife, creating for her safety and security that she might share her heart, her insights, her wisdom.
For when a man listens to his wife in this way he becomes wiser too. And he benefits from this gift given him called a wife.
The quality of a community, a church, a home can be determined by how the women and children are treated. Be a quality man, be part of a quality church, lead a quality home that treats women well. Bless them and do not curse them. Give to them, serve them, help them.
How might your wife be best served today? Ask the Lord and ask her. She will tell you. The Lord will direct you.
“Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land.” Psalm 25:12-13
Whatever good you think of doing for her do it! Each and every day do the thing that comes to mind that will help and care for her. In this way you will find God’s particular favor coming into your life and home.
For God has entrusted your wife and children to you as most precious gifts. She does not belong to you. Your children do not belong to you. They are created in the image of the most high God and belong to Him. Treat them well for they are Gods.
“And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments and statutes of the Lord, which I am commanding you today for your good? Behold, to the Lord your God belong heaven and the heaven of heavens, the earth with all that is in it. Yet the Lord set his heart in love on your fathers and chose their offspring after them, you above all peoples, as you are this day. Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no longer stubborn.” Deuteronomy 10:12-22
As leaders it is important to maintain regular housekeeping of conversations and relationships.
Just as a house can be in disrepair if not attended to, so too can our relationships. Proverbs 10:9
A good habit is to keep short accounts at all times. This means that any conflict that has not been worked out, any conversations uncompleted, any bad feelings, any apologies that need to be made, any difficulties that need to be addressed, we deliberately attend to these. Ephesians 4:32
We do this first and foremost with our team. Then we do this with those we are serving. And finally to anyone on the fringes that have been drawing our attention. Philippians 2:3
The son had asked for the inheritance from his father and had gone his way. Into the city and to nightclubs he had squandered his father’s wealth and lifetime earnings ending up broke and starving and sharing food alongside pigs at their trough.
Coming to his lowest point and to the end of himself he reasoned that being a servant on his father’s farm would be better than the pig pen where he now was and so he begins the trek home.
We can imagine his uncertainty. What kind of reception would he receive? How might he make this right to his father (he thought being a servant could pay back his debt). What would everyone else say?
Without any further options he turns towards his father’s house and one step at a time enters into an unknown future. Where before he had had plans and dreams, visions and ambitions all he had now was brokenness and loss.
And we are told, “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” Luke 15:20
What the text does not tell us, but what a study of the culture would, is that the townspeople and the family would have been right to take up arms and avenge this insult to the father by attacking the son before he ever reached home. Culturally speaking the offence of the son was so great that the only right thing would have been punishment and possible death at the hands of the villagers and extended family.
But of course what we see in this passage is the father running to intercept this attack and this justice by getting in the way so to speak in order that any attack would in fact fall on his shoulders and not on his son.
Not only did the father run (something that important people in eastern lands never do), not only did the father lift his skirts in his running (ankles were never revealed as cultural propriety demanded), but the father ran to intercept and receive any justice meted out onto his own self.
Immediately after this we read of the father ordering the fatted calf to be killed and prepared and for a feast to be laid in honour of his son who has come home.
There is an ancient middle eastern tradition that continues to this day called Sulha. Sulha is a traditional practice extending forgiveness and peace and reconciliation to those who have wronged. Literally speaking it is the extending of a meal by a person/s wronged to the person/s who did the wrong as a way of declaring the offence is forgiven and now put behind.
Instead of a wronged person waiting for reconciliation, for repentance, for contrition, for admission of guilt by the other person, Sulha puts into the hand of the person wronged the initiative to go to that person/s and declare peace; Sulha is a recognized tradition and deliberate action that refuses revenge and actively declares forgiveness.
And with this cultural lens in place we see that the Bible is chock-full of Sulha. In fact the gospel is Sulha.
God comes to us and breaks out the fatted calf to eat with us putting our offence behind him. Jesus Christ took the initiative to cover us, to run toward us, to take on the cost of our offence in his own self.
A quick skip through scripture and we see Sulha in the story of Jacob and Laban in Genesis 31:54, “and Jacob offered a sacrifice in the hill country and called his kinsmen to eat bread. They ate bread and spent the night in the hill country.” Sulha
We see Sulha in the story of Joseph when he prepares a meal for his brothers in Egypt. While years before they had sold Joseph into slavery out of jealousy and spite when Joseph sees them he calls for a fine meal to be prepared for them in Genesis 43:16, “Bring the men into the house, and slaughter an animal and make ready, for the men are to dine with me at noon.”
And again in Genesis 43:33-34, “And they sat before him, the firstborn according to his birthright and the youngest according to his youth. And the men looked at one another in amazement. Portions were taken to them from Joseph’s table… And they drank and were merry with him.” Sulha
And in Jesus words to the Samaritan woman in John 4:10, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” Sulha
We see Sulha in the habit Jesus had of eating with those least worthy as noted in Mark 2:15, “And as he reclined at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners were reclining with Jesus and his disciples, for there were many who followed him.” Sulha
And we see Sulha as the Spirit speaks in Revelations 3:20, “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.” Sulha.
The implications are profound.
Not only do we enter into Sulha but we become agents of Sulha as well. We see this spirit of Sulha in Abraham as he intercedes for Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 18:22 to Genesis 19:3). We see this spirit of Sulha in Hosea as he receives back unto himself his wayward wife (Hosea 3:1). We see the spirit of Sulha in Daniel as he intercedes and takes upon himself responsibility regarding the sins of the Israelites and their resulting exile (Daniel 9:3).
We were always made for Sulha, able to receive it, able to offer it. But if we skip back to Mark 2 where Jesus is eating with the sinners we find the religious leaders of the day complaining, “And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” (vs.16) The church leaders were indignant as Jesus chose to offer Sulha to those deemed least worthy.
They had lost the spirit of the living Lord.
Today, as the church we must ensure we do not do the same. Sulha, if taken seriously, transforms all of our theology and understandings of God and of his love, the power of his grace, the position of his heart towards us and everyone around us.
The religious leaders of Jesus day were scandalized because they were stuck on law. Having managed to make their lives appear pure they sneered at and rejected those unable to attain the same self-righteousness as they. This is the religion that Christ came to save us from.
Sin was and is taken care of. This is what Sulha does; it covers over, it removes the sting, it makes all things new. This is the power of our God and the work of Christ on the cross and the continuing influence of the Spirit in our lives to this day.
It was religion that needed to be done away with. For self-righteous effort has no need for Sulha and will not accept it nor give it. A life that strives to please God does not need Christ and cannot rest in transformative grace that is given freely to all, akin to the spirit of the brother.
“Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!” Luke 15:25-30
Did you read that? “He was angry and refused to go in” vs.28
God came to decriminalize our lives. We have all been given clean slates. With all things made new (Revelation 21:5) we have no recourse of holding ourselves apart, unless we want to miss out on the party. And we can. In our indignation at the opportunity, the celebration, the restoration, the grace given freely we can miss out on all that God has for us as well.
Lives of religion show up this way. One works hard all ones life to stay on the straight and narrow. Certain things are embraced while other things are renounced all with an eye to being perfect and making ourselves holy and doing things the right way. The heart purposed towards not doing the wrong thing.
And while God in his grace says “Thank-you” he also says, “Hey I have this one for you to meet. They too are at the banqueting table, please make them welcome.” But religious lives perceive that this one has not lived a good life, this one has not been holy, this one has not walked righteously, but this one gets all the very same perks, and the religious life is incensed.
There is no Sulha here.
Here we lose the Spirit of our Living Lord.
We’ve lost the narrow way.
We’ve forgotten that the banquet is for everyone.
God extends Sulha to all who will receive it.
“He brought me to the banqueting house,
and his banner over me was love.” Song of Solomon 2:4
Yet not all receive it. The religious leaders of Jesus day rejected it, missed it completely, so intent were they on right and wrong, good and bad. The evidence of those who have received it is evidenced as those extending it; we can’t give it unless we have first received it ourselves.
[make note that the ones most likely to miss it are the ones who have it most together]
May we all check our hearts ensuring that Sulha marks our lives.
May Sulha change our personal reception of God into and over our own lives.
May we evidence Sulha in our manner towards everyone we come into contact with.
In Sulha we are the peace we want to see in the world.
In Sulha we are the love of God.
Without Sulha we walk in the way of evil.
Our next ministry trip is back to Uganda. With invitations to about 20 districts this will be our longest overseas ministry time yet.
As per usual I (Cyndy) will be travelling from Canada to Entebbe, Uganda beginning ministry within hours of landing.
Moving from church to church, from host to host, I partner alongside ministries already in place bringing God’s touch however He chooses to move through me.
Every church body has its own unique needs and readiness for what the Lord has and therefore each location will receive a slightly different ministry.
While Capturing Courage International brings Spiritual Transformation, Discipleship Training, and Leadership Development, this plays out in various fashions.
We cannot say what the exact impact of this time in Uganda will be but we can tell you what our past ministry trips have resulted in.
One of the things we love to do is gather a few of us together over a pot-luck meal and share the stories and pictures of our previous times in Uganda and Mozambique. We also talk about what God is doing in India and Pakistan, in Kenya and other countries where our materials are being used.
While we’ve been having these small dinners at one host home we are looking for others willing to open their home for an evening of fellowship, food and stories about God through Capturing Courage International. These evenings are always an immense blessing and encouragement to each who attends.
If you live in the greater Vancouver area would you consider opening your home to a fellowship of 6-8 people around a pot-luck meal with stories and pictures to follow?
The work of CCI is completely and 100% that of the Lords and so it is through prayer that we discern all things and move forward in Him. You may or may not tell us that you are praying, in many ways this is between you and the Lord and yet if you want to know more about the work of CCI then we suggest that you follow this website, follow our Facebook page, check out our newsletters, and attend one of our story and picture evenings.
Contact us to receive our newsletters or to request a story and picture invite.
Because of the length of this next trip to Uganda (2-3 months) we are ensuring that the total budget is raised prior to going. The financial need for this trip is $10,000 and we need your help to achieve this goal.
You can donate a one-time gift to this particular trip, or consider becoming a regular monthly supporter which enables us to commit to trips down the road. We’ve many invites to many places, each week receiving reminders of their waiting on us in Pakistan, India, Myanmar, Kenya, Burundi, Tanzania, Ghana, and Mozambique.
There is no gift too small as all support and partnership in this way simply blesses our hearts and results in great impact as we engage in new levels with those we serve.
You can donate here – this page will give you the particulars.
We look forward to what the Lord has through all of us in Uganda this year. Many blessings and may the peace of our Lord be over your own life.
because of Jesus, Cyndy
I’ve facilitated dozens of people through hundreds of prayer ministry sessions. Here in the company of each other and the Holy Spirit individuals turn towards the Lord.
Everyone comes with unresolved pain, unrecognized conclusions about life, fears they can’t quite name, anxiety, and more and as I direct and lead them in bringing these kinds of things to the feet of Christ and his cross and into the throne room of God there is never a harsh word spoken. Never.
Time after time, for years now, I suggest, “Ask Jesus what you do with this” And as they take their query to the Lord, always unsure and risking to bare this part of their life to God, the Holy Spirit always replies and directs in warmth, affirmation, compassion. Always.
And burdens are lifted time after time after time after time after time.
The hard work is the turning to God. We all have shame and embarrassments, regrets and disappointments, lies and condemnations playing over in our lives in one degree or another. These are the things that keep us from God.
But not because God is holding these things against us, no, rather it is us who hold these things between us and God.
We have our failures, we have our sin, we have our shame, whatever it may be, and we keep it close to our hearts trying, trying, trying to overcome and solve and fix this thing that just won’t go away.
We orient to our broken lives and turn away from God in our shame. But the thing only gets worse when we do this with cycles of despondency and failure taking hold, increasing our guilt, increasing our fear, increasing our anxiety.
It is only as we realize that we cannot fix this thing or our lives, only when we come to the end of ourselves, that we are convinced to turn toward God, to fix our eyes on Christ, and to open ourselves to his grace in our lives.
For the grace of Christ is a powerful agent of transformation. By it we are changed. Simple as that.
It’s not about our working at things harder. Christ didn’t die for this.
It’s not about our making things right. Most things cannot be made right.
It’s not about our striving, service, sacrifice. You can’t make it happen.
It’s about grace and the power of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Hang out with him and you will become a different, more whole, healthy, balanced, wise, content, person.
You will increase in holiness, righteousness, patience, peace, love, just to name a few.
I have personally entered into these intimate conversations with the Lord via prayer ministry well over a hundred times and as I bring my own stuff to the Lord I am changed in my perspective of God simply by how he conducts these conversations.
And then, in the witness to dozens of others encountering the same God again and again and again, I stand as a witness to the gracious manner of the Lord.
God is not out to get you. God is not out to get anyone.
God will not embarrass you. God will not uncover your shame.
In the book of Genesis 9 we find the story of Moses becoming drunk and laying uncovered in his tent. We read that his son Ham saw his nakedness and proceeded to talk about it to others; Ham increased the uncovering of his father.
Then we read that Shem and Japheth took a garment and walking backwards covered over their fathers nakedness; they refused to participate in his uncovering but instead committed themselves to his dignity regardless of his drunken state.
This is exactly how God is with us. THIS IS EXACTLY HOW GOD IS WITH YOU AND I.
God is committed to your dignity regardless of your drunken (fill it in for yourself) state.
I’ve seen it hundreds of times. I’ve experienced it myself hundreds of times.
God covers over our nakedness. He does not expose, humiliate, condemn.
In this we have confidence to come before the throne of grace receiving life afresh.
“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16
Amen and amen with all praise to you Lord.
There is nothing quite like money to test our integrity and our priorities. Through money we can easily see the character of a person, the quality of an organization, and the honesty of a church.
As humans we are quite naturally concerned with our everyday needs. We are concerned with where we live, the food we are eating, the things we must pay for and provide for ourselves and those we are caring for.
In my ministry travels I’ve become aware of the fact that not everyone knows how to pray. In fact, I’ve found in some places that it isn’t traditionally thought that the people can pray but rather believed prayer is only for the learned and the leaders, the bishops and pastors. But of course, this simply isn’t true.
Jesus himself taught those around him how to pray and we find this instruction in Matthew 6:9-13:
“9 Pray then like this:
“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
10 Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us this day our daily bread,
12 and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.”
Jesus begins this prayer with an intimate term of Father. This would have been surprising to those he taught, scandalous even, because he is suggesting familiarity with God, the kind of close relationship that we may know in our earthily families but that would never be imagined with the creator of the universe.
And yet this is the start of Jesus instruction. He is basically opening up a new dimension of prayer as that of intimate, close, familiar, conversation. Imagine if you will a kingdom and a king. In this kingdom there are the common folk, those who work in the palace, other leaders alongside the king and then there is the family, the children of the king.
In any kingdom there is protocol that governs which people can approach the king and in which manner. The rules might be many and few would have opportunity for an audience with the king. But imagine that in that kingdom and with that king, though there are many rules, that the children of the king require no protocol and are not subject to the same rules. A son or daughter of the king bypasses all the rules and protocol by virtue of being a son or daughter. They have unparalleled access to the king.
This is the image that Jesus paints. As sons and daughters of God we have full access. It is the same as when my children would crawl up onto my lap when they were smaller. They needed no permission and no invitation even, they simply knew and acted on their freedom to snuggle in whenever they wanted. This is how we approach our prayer life, our whole life, with God.
At the same time we find Jesus directing our hearts and minds to honour God, “hallowed by thy name”. We acknowledge the greatness of the name of God. In this we declare his goodness, his might, his holiness, his omnipotence, his governance; we give honour to God.
We say ‘Father’ and we say ‘How great you are’.
Both hand in hand, familiarity and comfort and ease alongside worship and adoration.
In verse ten Jesus directs our prayers into agreement with the Father’s will on this earth. Throughout scripture we are taught about the power found in agreement of two or more. In our natural and human life we find it all too easy to agree with Satan. Our minds are often full of his lies, his condemnations, his attacks, his confounding, but for a life that goes forward in the strength of the Lord it is imperative that we begin agreeing with God, with his promises, his purposes, his hope, his strength. ‘Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven’ gives us the model of how to align our hearts and minds with the plans of God.
Here we put down our own best thoughts and wisdom and declare our allegiance to a wisdom higher than ours.
Verse eleven with its simple ‘give us this day our daily bread’ declares and admits our dependance on the Lord for our very lives. Taken literally we cry out to the Lord for the necessary food and resources to get us through each day. This simple line also models to us that we take it one day at a time. Notice that Jesus did not instruct us to pray ‘give us this years bread’. Rather we walk day by day with the Lord.
Taken symbolically this simple line points us to our need for spiritual bread which is of course Jesus Christ himself. John 6:35 finds Jesus saying, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.” Here we acknowledge our need of a saviour and when we do this we enter into all the possibilities and resources that heaven holds.
Verse eleven is interesting. The ability to speak out ‘and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors’ brings us face to face with our own hearts for only if we have forgiven others can we speak this with sincerity. Our attention is immediately, yet indirectly, drawn to the state of our own hearts and we are given pause to consider a moment the truth of what we are speaking for ourselves.
It becomes apparent very quickly if we have in fact forgiven others or not. Our hearts catch us if we have not and we are compelled to enter into this work of forgiveness. Here we are simply reminded of the heart of the gospel and compelled to live it out.
In addition to this simple remembrance for our own sakes is the incredible power in forgiveness unto another. John 20:23 says, “If you forgive anyone’s sins, they are forgiven. If you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”
It appears that we are entered into the work of our Lord and his grace unto each other. Suggested here, if not explicitly stated, is the power unto life or death. Consider how it reads in the Complete Jewish Bible, “If you forgive someone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you hold them, they are held.”
Without forgiveness we hold the sins of others. And don’t we know this to be true. To hold the sins of others in our being becomes a heavy and tortuous thing. Bitterness destroys us from the inside out.
The depths of this Matthew 6:11 verse we may never fully comprehend, never fully fathom the depths of, yet we can agree and bring our hearts into alignment, into agreement regarding God’s forgiveness of others and therefore our forgiveness of them as well.
Jesus finishes off by instructing, “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” This last part of The Lord’s Prayer holds for me the least clarity. It seems to be a cry of our need to be delivered from our own wayward heart and ways; an acknowledgment that we have this huge propensity to sin and to evil and our subsequent and desperate need for the Lord’s help.
Its a good place to end I think. For we’ve just traversed a wide journey. We started off familiar in the Father’s arms and we declared the glory of his name (vs.9). We’ve stood alongside in powerful agreement unto his will and heart over our lives and this world. As vice-regents we have commanded the kingdom of God into our realities (vs.10).
We then immediately fall to our knees declaring our utter dependance on his provision both physically and spiritually (vs.11) and are reminded of and brought to account the state of our relationships with the Lord and with others (vs.12).
Finishing off finds us once more standing alongside the Lord simply stating our humanity and declaring his omnipotence (vs.13).
Prayer is first and foremost a matter of our hearts position before the Lord. It isn’t the words we speak or the length by which we pray, it has nothing to do with eloquence, nothing to do with volume, and its not really about repeating what we know about God, rather it is a private conversation between God and you.
In this the simpler the better. Too many words and we lose our effectiveness.
On my recent trip to Mozambique, where prayer was a loud repetition of facts about God my own prayers became simpler and simpler.
“God we welcome you. God we love you. Thank-you for this day.”
LEARN HOW TO PRAY over at http://teachingpeoplehowtopray.org
I learned the power of fasting years ago. It was during the start of my own inner healing journey. I was scheduled for prayer ministry every second week and I made a commitment to myself to fast for the twenty-four hours leading up to and through my appointments.
I never really could pinpoint the power of that fasting at the time but I did know the power of those prayer sessions, they changed my life. A few years later a friend was experiencing her own set of prayer ministry yet she confided to me that she wasn’t getting much out of them, that God still seemed distant and her heart was not touched.
I suggested that she fast the twenty-four hours leading up to and through her sessions and the next week she reported a profound new depth in her experience of prayer and of healing before the Lord; it was a night and day difference to what had been before.
There is something about fasting that removes our coping mechanisms, our veneers, our defences. When we give up food for a time we are brought low in need and the ultimate sort of preoccupation with self. And in that reminder of our hunger we turn to God with a heart serious on receiving His help; we can’t do this on our own.
As the years progressed and I began ministering in prayer myself there were many a time when I would awake in a morning and was not really hungry and so I would eat very little. Later in the day I would come to find that so-and-so needs an emergency prayer session and then I would know, “Oh that is why I ate so little today.” Many times the Lord orchestrated my fasting without my prior knowledge.
Not only is fasting for ourselves but fasting enters us into spiritual work alongside the Lord Jesus Christ; our understanding is heightened and our perceptions are clearer.
In more recent years my fasting has taken on various modes. I rarely fast food any more and I’ve learned not to fast unless the Holy Spirit explicitly directs me. For fasting must never be used as a manipulative tool to get what we want. It is never a good idea to take what worked here and try to make it work there.
Our walks with the Lord must never become business, never a product that we transfer from here to there thinking that it worked so well there, why not here? Relationship with God is not something to be taken lightly and so we do not move according to our own best wisdom or ideas and this includes fasting.
In recent years as I’ve travelled and ministered overseas each trip is preceded by some sort of fasting. God woos me and invites me to join him and his work, entering into the holy of holies. My first trip was preceded by six weeks of no makeup; no easy feat at the time. Since then I’ve fasted jewelry and tea amongst other things; not easy either if you know me.
I find fasting closely linked to a nesting type experience where all of who I am is entered into silence and heart preparation for a spiritual work to come. Because we at CCI move at the explicit direction of the Holy Spirit and not before, this fasting and nesting is in fact one of the first things to alert me to a trip and to ministry to come. I’ve learned to watch for it and pay attention to it; when my spirit hunkers down there is the Lord’s work for me around the corner.
Fasting is no longer for myself per se, it’s not by my volition but rather it’s an act of preparation and coming alongside the Lord with a tangible and physical sign and commitment that I agree with what is to come and his use of me; I am glad to be alongside God in this way. He directs it and enables it, enables me.
My first trip in 2014 is back to Uganda. We’ve not yet settled on the exact month but I can feel it coming. Thoughts have moved from my mind to my heart and are now settling in my spirit and I’m entering into the nesting and the birthing that precedes a work of the Lord.
This bearing of a work is hard work. The heart of God presses down on me and I become his bearer in a way, birthing him.
It was the summer of 2008. I had for some years already been waiting on the go-ahead from the Lord to invite a team of prayer warriors to come around me.
The preparations for the work of CCI as it is today (and will be tomorrow) had been happening for some time in my own heart and mind and gathering what would amount to a personal board of directors was my first outwardly public act.
The list of who I would invite had been made some time earlier and so as the summer of 2008 progressed I pulled out my list of candidates and went over it again with the Lord.
On that list was Lorna Rande, someone I had known since I was seventeen years old. As Lorna and I look back on the years it is amazing the way God weaves lives together. We realize, not only for our enjoyment here on earth but because there is spirit realm work to be done and He knows our spiritual DNA and the partnerships that need to form.
And so He weaves us together in heart and spirit and then in life. This has been my experience with Lorna. My heart has always had a welcome space in Lorna’s heart. She has advocated and stood alongside me personally for many many years and as that turned into Capturing Courage International her heart alongside us has strengthened who we are.
What has sadly become apparent, and yet we are at peace, is that the time of her service and heart specifically to myself and Capturing Courage is at an end.
Every single person who has been tucked into CCI for a time has come with a specific assignment, an impartation of blessing, over our work. And then, at some point in time it becomes apparent that that specific job is completed and the person is released.
And so it is time to say goodbye to Lorna, not as friends but in this specific work. And so we say Thank-you Lorna for your incredible investment of heart and concern and advocacy before the Father on our behalf, on my behalf. Bless you.
We declare the Lord’s keeping and deep peace over you in the name and the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, with all glory and honour to God and all delight over your future.
God-speed my friend as you go forward in life.
The first leadership lesson that I give is this:
LESSON ONE – Leadership is about Trust – 1 Corinthians 4:2
When we first come into leadership we may think it is about:
- Status
- Power
- Position
- Authority
But these things are the lowest forms of leadership.
A true leader does not worry about status because status is about self, and a leader is for others. Matthew 23:12